Monday, September 8, 2008

ang bao money NOT ENOUGH

“ang bao money NOT ENOUGH” – reports “my paper”[1] on 14th August.

It would be scary for poor folks like some of you and me if guests are tacitly expected by tradition to give what is enough to cover the costs of luxurious wedding banquets for which they have no say. What exactly is enough really depends on the extravagance of the host, and it has been advised that a $100 gift may no longer be enough.

Imagine the case when a very wealthy family decides for a grand wedding celebration at six-star St Regis and guests are expected to be dressed in their super-formal-finery, but many of the invited guests are the young friends and colleagues of the bride or groom who have just started on their career. To add to these guests’ financial anguish, they may have a number of wedding invitations lining up from among the many of marrying age in their social circle. Or the case of relatives who are obligated to attend the occasion but are not even a quarter as financially disposed as the host to throw money at a posh dinner. The bride and groom may enjoy their day, but at the financial distress of the underprivileged guests.

An assistant director of events management, who is getting married this year, said in the report, "Personally, I'd rather have a guest who turns up with his heartfelt wishes without a red packet than a guest who doesn't turn up but sends a red packet as a means of congratulation."

It is very thoughtful of him to value the guests’ attendance more than the gifts, and acknowledge that red packets are just a bonus. I trust that he will have a great celebration of his big day with a lot of friends and relatives in attendance to share his happiness. In contrast, it would be less cheery if a large number of guests simply send their red packets of congratulations.

The following is a sample of comments from readers of the my paper report:

“In Malay tradition, they don't expect to cover their cost from red packets given by guests. Instead, they feel it is an honour that their friends and families have come.In western cultures, we receive gifts, but if we want to have a super grand wedding, that's our problem. If we end up spending tens of thousands of dollars or hundreds of thousands, that's our problem, not the guest's.”

I recall an occasion when I asked an Indian acquaintance casually about their cultural tradition regarding invitations and gifts. He was very quick and spontaneous in his response that the host would be most happy to see the guests turning up to share in the joy of the occasion; the amount of gift that the guests would like to offer is secondary.

I feel that the true meaning of “an invitation to celebrate” should not be lost to a hidden meaning of “an invitation to share with us the cost of our wedding extravaganza”. Ideally, a sincere invitation to share joy should be from the heart; and reciprocally, a sincere gift in cash or kind (regardless of size) should be from the heart and not from hard-nosed financial calculation of gain or loss. Regrettably, there exist some habits of counting and comparing gift sizes to measure the relative worth of the guests – be they friends or kin. Friends who are measured as of little worth will be off the list for future invitations; in other words, poorer ones do not have friend-enough merit to share the joy of a wedding celebration.

Not surprisingly, “Three wedding planners “my paper” spoke to agreed that where the wedding dinner is held plays a big part, as does the relationship the giver has with the bridal couple. And guests should take into account the rising costs when deciding how much to give.”

Not surprising indeed that there is no advice by the wedding planners (being financially-interested party) to their potential customers about taking into account the financial wherewithal of the guests so that they do not end up being bankrupted by one invitation after another with an unhelpful expectation on their pocket. As a matter of reciprocity, if hosts expect guests to be thoughtful of their expenses, shouldn’t the hosts likewise be considerate of the cost to their guests? If he who pays the piper calls the tune, conversely it must that those who call the tune (on the scope of celebratory indulgence) should be prepared to pay the wedding planners and the restaurants and not pass the financial responsibility to others.

If a poor friend attending a six-star wedding celebration is not friend enough to give an appropriately-sized red packet or to afford a formal suit/gown befitting the grandiosity of the event with bigwigs in attendance, surely it is not friend enough for the wealthy host to impose on the poor guy to dig deep into his pocket to open up a big hole when his pocket is simply shallow. If the wedding couple are wealthy enough to hold a grand celebration, it must be implied that they can afford it and so the guests’ financial contribution is not critical to the success of a joyful celebration. If, on the contrary, the wedding couple can ill afford the cost without the charity of guests to share joy of the occasion and the expense as a package, I would think that there is something not right with the wedding planning and the responsibility cannot be pushed to the guests. Ultimately, for the cost of the mistake in planning borne by the wedding couple and guests, the people laughing all the way to the bank are the commercial wedding planners and the restaurants!

As wedding dinners become more and more expensive, a word to describe the phenomenon is “inflation”. What goes up may come down and what comes down may go up; it all depends on supply and demand. The people feeding the demand for high-cost functions are the wealthy (of limited numbers) and the not-so-wealthy (larger numbers) who 打肿脸皮充胖子[2],encouraged and supported by the ang bao contributions. The commercial purveyors of profits will continue to test the market and push the price limit (just like landlords pushing up rentals), and at the same time encouraging continuing extravagant consumption by a host of marketing ploys. Now, $100 hongbao for a dinner is not enough; very soon, $200 will not be enough. How will guests afford if hosts can’t? If oil prices went up and then came down, hopefully dinner prices will also come down with smart consumers (those who pay) learning how to reign in their spending. They who spend irresponsibly will reap the consequence of having to contend with ever higher prices for any future wedding planning to come – whether personal or otherwise.

Going back to the my paper report, a pharmacist mentioned that his banquet for 290 people at a five-star hotel set him back $25000. I believe that he was well able to afford it. This example does give us an inkling of the cost issue and it is well worth all who are planning their weddings to take into serious consideration. If you are planning a wedding dinner and you can afford a banquet at Ritz Carlton or Raffles, it should be fine for you to go for it. However, if you plan to invite me to share your joy by the Chinese tradition of “financial participation”, then a dinner at a mid-level Chinese restaurant may be easier on my pocket.

Perhaps, Jack Neo should start planning his Money No Enough 3 movie (alternative title: ang bao money NOT ENOUGH) to reflect this social issue.

From the Christian standpoint, the dignity and spiritual significance of a holy matrimony should not ride on extravagance, especially when it is beyond one’s means. A beautiful nuptial for a happily-ever-after life together as a couple should not be embarrassingly commandeered by long-lasting debt-servicing – the price of splendour for a day. It would be highly regrettable if a once-in-a-lifetime celebration becomes an enduring misery due to financial imprudence. Let me conclude with this piece of quality advice from Ken Esau[3], who teaches Old Testament and marriage and family courses at Columbia Bible College, Abbotsford, B.C.:

“The celebratory joy should come from the event and not from the extravagance of the flowers, location or reception, though all these can add to the enjoyment. Ideally guests should remember the strength and maturity of the couple as they committed themselves to one another and praised the awesome God who brought them together. Simplicity is more likely to keep the focus of the celebration on people and God rather than on the less important.”

John Lee
[1] http://www.mypaper.com.sg/
[2] Pretending to be a fat man by slapping one’s own face swollen; pretending to be rich by pumping up an external appearance of wealth.
[3] http://www.mbconf.ca/home/products_and_services/resources/theology/pamplet_series/making_our_weddings_christian/

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Do Christians believe in FATE?

Do Christians believe in fate? The answer is: NO.

Do Christians believe in predestination: The answer is: YES.

It is easy to confuse fate with predestination (or Providence). It is not easy for non-Christians who talk about fate to understand its difference with the biblical predestination that Christians uphold. Likewise, Christians who do not grasp the non-Christian’s perspective of fate may become unwittingly led into thinking that predestination is just a fanciful term used for the same thing as fate.

“The concept of Providence is rooted in the belief in the existence of a benevolent, wise, and powerful deity. Benevolence is the primary requirement. If the starting point of a just and divine being is completely lost sight of or if it is consciously denied, then Providence becomes fate.” – Britannica Encyclopaedia

The above explanation clearly distinguishes fate from predestination.

In essence, fate is not ascribed to any divine power. It carries the notion that we have no freedom of choice, are helpless, subject to a cosmic determinism that is unjust, illogical and intimidating. When people advise “not to tempt fate,” they are actually acknowledging the uncertainty of fate. When they say, “Oh … it is all fated,” the idea of inescapability and gloom permeates the air. The sighing is invariably related to something ominous or something tragic that has already happened.

Predestination, on the other hand, is ascribed to a divine benevolent Being who is in control. As Christians, we recognize a loving God who cares for us. We believe in God’s secret wisdom in all that he destined for our glory before time began. (1 Cor. 2:7) Whatever that is predestined has a purpose, even in our trials. So, knowing this truth, we do not feel unsettled because we know quite well that we were destined for them. (1Thess. 3:3) Instead, we recognize the link between Providence and our free will to submit to divine guidance by “the faith of God's elect and the knowledge of the truth that leads to godliness – a faith and knowledge resting on the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time …” (Titus 1:1-2) As we sail through our trials and tribulations, we will see the perfect unfolding of God’s will and note that in Christ we were chosen “having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.” (Eph 1:11-12)

Call it a mystery if you wish, but I perceive that predestination, free will and hope are three attributes embodied in the whole supernatural plan of a benevolent God. We do not hear Christians say “I leave everything to Providence” because Christians know that they have an active role to play to attain their hope and destiny. In contrast, non-Christians who claim to leave everything to fate submit themselves to passivity and give up their go-getting. In the extreme, they may even despair and give up living a full and meaningful life. How sad! If only they can be freed from the insecurity of fate and gain the reassurance in “our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope.” (2 Thess. 2:16)

Thursday, August 7, 2008

A Banquet on 18th August

Singapore is going to celebrate her 43rd birthday tomorrow (9th August). “Regrettably”, Singaporeans missed out on the beautiful date 8.8.08 by just one day, an auspicious date to the Chinese and the specially chosen date for China to host her first Olympic Games. Noteworthy, however, is that no matter what the numbers in the date are, it (the date per se) bodes nothing really significant to Christians, non-Chinese and non-superstitious folks. The numbers aside, the events themselves (National Day and Olympics) are of course momentous to the celebrants, bringing them great pride and joy.

It is possible for everyone to enjoy a great event and remember the message of import without being sidetracked by superfluous considerations. For example, as people around the world anticipate the approaching modern Olympics with excitement, they can dwell on the significance and meaning of the Olympic torch, flag, rings, etc., without misplacing their focus on the ancient myths and religious associations that the Games carried. Similarly, as we Singaporeans celebrate our National Day with heartiness, we can dwell on how a young nation came to be, the meaning of the symbols on our National flag, the industry of our forefathers, the foresight and contributions of our leaders, etc. All the good things that we remember appreciatively help us to value the past, draw on the weighty lessons and keep the right bearing now to assure continuing national stability and well-being for future generations. As a Christian, I join my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ in appreciating God’s hand in everything and every happening. It is right that we give thanks and praise to God for all the blessings that we are able to enjoy.

It is certainly right for us to thank God. It is right too for us to show our appreciation to our leaders. All this we do in the broad context of remembering both the spiritual and the human sources of our good life (饮水思源). It becomes out of place if, in doing that which is right, we opportunistically go off-tangent to sing our own praises – boasting to other nations (and maybe denigrating their “inferior” leadership), or gratuitously allowing self-accolades to earn the applause of men. We can truly praise God without the praise of men flowing off from it by design. Sometimes, people extol the virtues of great men of the past or great leaders of the present all for the respectable purpose of encouraging the young generation to emulate the good works of their ancestors and elders. This should be done with care, to avoid the unpleasantness of the act being mistaken for self-congratulation.

In connection with our National Day, there will be a special banquet at the Padang on 18th August hosted by a group from several churches “to honor our founding church fathers – those who served God within the nation of Singapore between the years 1959 – 1978. Many of these precious fathers in the Lord are still with us and serving God while some have gone on to be with the Lord. 1959 would mark the year Singapore came under ‘self – government’ and 1978 would mark the occasion when Dr. Billy Graham pronounced a new name over Singapore as the ‘Antioch of Asia’.”

I came to know that the invitation has been sent out by the group “to all pastors of the city to be a part of a prophetic moment in the history of our nation.”

Why is our National Day a prophetic moment? The organizer of the banquet explains it as follows:

“Lev 25:8-10 'Count seven times seven years, a total of forty-nine years. V9. Then, on the tenth day of the seventh month, the Day of Atonement, send a man to blow a trumpet throughout the whole land. V10. In this way you shall set the fiftieth year apart and proclaim freedom to all the inhabitants of the land. During this year all property that has been sold shall be restored to the original owner or his descendants, and anyone who has been sold as a slave shall return to his family.' (NIV)

"This year Singapore as a nation completes 'six cycles' ( 7 X 6 = 42 ) and commences her 'seventh' and her last cycle ( 43 – 49 + 1 = 50 ), as she enters into her very 1st Jubilee in August 2015.

" At this very important 'point of transition' ( 42 turning 43 ), we are sensing that God is calling us, as Pastors and Leaders of the Church of Singapore, to receive the "Father's" (Church Fathers Of Our Nations ) blessings at this very important junction / juncture, to take Singapore into her Jubilee blessings over the next seven years ( 2008 – 2015 ).”

A special highlight of the banquet is that “the Minister overseeing all families in Singapore, Dr Vivian will be sharing with us a vision, a vision that concerns the families and the future of our children and our nation.” Apart from the 18th August event, “on 9 July, the Director, Rehabilitation, Protection & Residential Services of MCYS, Mr. Jason Wong, will be joining us to share this vision briefly with us. In particular, he will be sharing the SPIRITUAL significance behind this vision and the blessings that this will add to the churches. Many of us know Jason Wong as the man who spearheaded the nation-wide Yellow Ribbon Project in 2004, whilst he was a Directorate member of the Singapore Prisons Service and the CEO of SCORE.”

The planners of the banquet have good intentions to draw on the festive mood to rejoice and remind people of the blessings enjoyed and, at the same time, give a word of counsel regarding what is to come vis-à-vis the spiritual vision. However, I understand that not all pastors of the city share the fervour about the merit of the banquet by the way that its purpose is articulated. Hence, I expect that only some but not all pastors of the city will enthusiastically turn up on the occasion. Here is one view held, suggesting that the purpose of the banquet is not well stated:

“There are many who like to ‘spiritualise’ things that are not spiritual in nature. I don't know why. Maybe it is better sound bites among Christians. Be careful not to get your hot buttons pressed without thinking. I won't mind if they bill this as an appreciation for the founding leaders of the churches in Singapore. But to make it sound so mystical and spiritualise the event, with special blessings etc. given out sounds very much like the Middle Ages when special dispensation from the Pope was often worded as such. Furthermore it uses scriptures wrongly using a passage on the establishment of the Jubilee in the Jewish calendar to call for special significance for unabashed promotion of their event during this year in the nation's history.”

Different persons are entitled to different views. Personally, I wonder whether the word "vision" is being overused by many people such that it becomes difficult to understand whether this vision is the same as that vision when anything ranging from respectable human foresight to divine revelation, as well as from dream to illusion, has the tendency of being cloaked with an aura of spirituality that the V-word carries. Without doubt, our Church Fathers are worthy of our respect, admiration and emulation for their faith and contribution; but I do not think it is very appropriate to raise them up with human honour on a day "very special". Noting that "Many of these precious fathers in the Lord are still with us and serving God" (as the invitation mentions), the human high praise, especially with public prominence, may be a tad immodest.

I am also puzzled by what I would consider as a tenuous link between the Year of Jubilee (in Leviticus) and our National Day. (Maybe there is similarity I have yet to understand between the deliverance of the Israelites from their oppression under the Egyptians and the liberation of Singapore islanders from Malaysia.) Well, if we were to agree with the Leviticus passage, then we should not restrict ourselves to 25:8-10; we should go through all the instructions in the verses thereafter and make the connections with what we as a nation have to do today to seize the "prophetic moment in the history of our nation".
Of all the tasks that we have to do (by God's instructions in Leviticus), I think gathering for a grand banquet at the Padang with speeches by honorable leaders of the nation and raising praises for men (especially those mingling among us) is not of utmost significance, even if it has some meaning within the celebratory spirit of National Day. Whatever the good intentions, whatever the usefulness, whatever …, it is my view that a celebratory rejoicing with Singapore’s independence and success will be better off if the spiritualizing and prophecy-talk is not overdone.

Incidentally, I am just curious why the 7 x 7 years should count from Independence Day and not Modern Singapore's Founding Day (harking back to Sir Stamford Raffles) or Old Singapore's Founding Day (harking back to Sang Nila Utama) or the day the first inhabitant entered the land? (Rf Lev. 25:2). The Book of Leviticus is basically a set of legal rules about God's covenant with Israel. When we import the holy Word from B.C. (Before Christ) to A.D. (Anno Domini) for our study on their current relevance, Bible scholars would agree that it is not for literal adoption without giving due regard to the "Law fulfilled in Christ" fact!

In conclusion, I humbly beg to differ on the spiritual significance of the banquet planned for 18th August in relation to our National Day. On a non-spiritual perspective, however, a celebration with due recognition for the major contributions of this young nation’s founding leaders is beneficial in contributing some useful historical awareness for the current generation of people enjoying the fruits of our forefathers’ hard work.

John

Introduction

Hi, all ye who are reading this,

It is my pleasure to present to you this blog, created this 8th day of August, 2008 A.D.

Please enjoy the posts, if there is anything to be enjoyed. Please graciously extend me your forbearance if you find the posts boring or not satisfying your appetite. Your best wishes that this blog will continue to improve as time goes by is most welcome. 8-)

Here is my best wishes to you for a nice day with God's blessings filling your cup to the brim.

John